5 Super Powers I’ve Absorbed from Gaming

There are five fantastic games that have truly influenced my life over the years. Now, the influential power has not always been used for the betterment of humanity but it has surely made me the fantastically awesome person I am here today.

So without further adieu, drum roll please.

5.) Monopoly: Labeled as  “The Fast-Dealing Property Trading Game”, In which they really mean to say “who the [BLANK] is a cheater-face and how the hell do I make change out of a 100 game.”  Keep in mind when I started playing games I was very young. My parents decided it would be the perfect way to teach me valuable life lessons and skills. Like math and bullshitting people. This age-old classic has ended many grade school friendships and given me the mutant like ability to calculate the correct change before a cashier at the supermarket can say “do you need stamps or ice today?”. Thank you Monopoly. I shall use your powers to never be shorted change again. (Also as a note for future gaming generations:  No one likes hearing “making it rain bitches” as you sprinkle your monopoly money all over them after you win a game.

4.) Final Fantasy VII: Labeled as “A Turned based Role-playing Video Game”. This was the first game I got when I bought my very own PlayStation. It was like an upscale and grownup version of the Nintendo. I gently caressed the box and whispered it sweet nothings as I entered into a fantasy world I could never forget. I laughed, I cried and then I realized I never wanted to murder someone more than SquareSoft. Why would you do that you team killing bastards? Due to SquareSoft’s ability to crush the hopes and dreams of little children across the world, I can no longer feel safe while enjoying my favorite brand of media . The Sixth Sense? I barely let out a yawn. Game of Thrones? It hardly made me flinch. Today I keep my media at the pointy end of a very long and adamantium covered stick. Thank you FFVII, for giving me the constant paranoia to so quickly detect the oncoming onslaught of my favorite  characters before their impending demise. P.S.  My heart will never recover you bastards.

3.) Munchkin: Foolishly labeled as “A Card Game for Immature Role-players”. For those of you who don’t know what this game I warn you right now “with great power comes great responsibility”. Nothing else feels quite as godly as facing  a table full of your dearest friends,  knowing you can end their dreams of winning with a well-timed card and simple flick of your wrist. However as you watch their new found camaraderie form against you your spidey senses begin to tingle . That last time you “made it rain bitches” did not fare well with them and it has ultimately sealed your demise for the entire game. Yes, that’s right, your friends are going to repetitively beat you down and most of the time for no good reason at all. Thank you Munchkin for giving me the ability to not be a supreme asshole even when that means watching those people you thought were your friends stab you in the back and then fight over your loot. My desecrated little munchkin corpse makes all other disputes in my life feel petty in comparison.

2.) Dungeons and Dragons: Labeled as “A Pen and Paper based fantasy roll-playing game” and quite possibly classed as one of the  nerdiest and most misunderstood game there is. When I tell “Non –gamers” that I play DnD I always get shocked expressions and dropped jaws. No, I’m not part of a Satanic cult and yes i am that incredibly good looking, thank you for noticing.   With the player drama set aside DnD is actually one of the best games you can play for creative development, problem solving  and social skills. Don’t believe me? Go find a veteran player for some serious gaming. Then be prepared to talk your way out of misunderstandings with the law, punch labyrinths in the face and work on team building with your fellow gamers. Those who don’t use DnD to enhance their lives are most likely dull and  surely wont enjoy my personal board game selection at home. Thank you Dnd for giving me the creative ability to create new and unique worlds, to challenge myself mentally and the ability to come up with relative character scripts on the dime. You’ve surely given my bluffing skills +10 over the years.

1.) World of Warcraft: Labeled as “A Massively Multi-player Online Role-playing Game or MMORPG” Which I have also entitled please give me back my soul you heartless bastards. This soul stealer also known as “WoW”, is one of the best games I’ve probably ever played in my entire life, hands down. Not because it has the best graphics or because it has a fantastic combat interface. No Warcraft has done what other game companies can only dream of doing to the populous. They have signed copious evil agreements to insure that their digital cookies actually resemble the same addictive nature as cocaine. I have personally spent countless years suffering from my WoW addiction and a sweet fix is always right around the corner with a new releases, free gaming or friends beckoning me to come hither. I was so compulsive when I was playing this game, I literally had  to get rid of my computer just to combat the need to play. Like any drug, alienation occurs and people can lose their real life friends and spouses do to real life inactivity. They suffer from massive weight loss from months of not eating and I’m pretty sure this is how most hoarders get started. Thank you Warcraft for teaching me about addiction before it ruined my life.  With my newly discovered Jedi like mind I shall no longer succumb to your dark side and only use my Jedi tricks to get me free fries at Burger King.

Games like life are an extraordinary experience you can learn from. No matter how silly, old school or hard they might seem there’s a kernel of knowledge there that you can apply to your every day and I think my main man Mr. Albert Einstein probably said it the best. “You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than everyone else.”

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