The Legend of the Table Toss

It’s time for some of that gaming drama you’ve all been waiting for! That’s right my friends, gaming is a social event and with social events comes lots of in-house squabbles, hurt feelings and dramatic exits. The story I’m telling you today is an actual event I saw take place. The names have been changed to protect the people involved and to create a much better story on paper.

This is the story of a boy named Link in:

The Legend of the Table Toss.

Link was an average seasoned warrior who excelled at swinging his sword around and harmonizing an impressive array of grunts that would make even the most celibate swoon. He’d come directly from Water Temple and was filled with a dungeon angst that only the sound of shattering terracotta could calm.

Upon entering the Inn in search of vessels to annihilate he noticed a few friendly adventurers sitting down at a table for a little game. Everyone knows that’s one thing Link cannot resist.

“Side quest!” he exclaimed, sitting down at their table. Unbeknownst to him,  two Moblins had followed him into the little village. While Link searched his rupee filled satchel for his favorite D20 they quietly entered though the back and began plotting his ruin.

“Why should they have all the fun?” one of them grunted in distain as the adventurers at Link’s table erupted with laughter.

“Not for long, my brother,” the second Moblin smirked,  then sat down and uttered the most indecent of Hylian words. “Frak!”

This crude word started as just a whisper offending only those within earshot.

“Frak.”  But with each echo…

“FRak,” the Moblins grew louder…

“FRAk,” and soon the locals in the inn frowned at the table in disgust…

“FRAK!” but the Moblins grew louder still, pounding their fists on the table following each…

“FRAK!” they exclaimed and Link began to twitch as the joy in his heart drained.

“FRAK!” they snickered, showing toothy grins, but the die was already cast and a darkness swept across Link’s face.

“FRAK!” they yelled. Link stood up calmly and balled his gloved fists together at his sides and turned away from the table of adventurers.

“FRAK!” they grew louder and the entire Inn came to a halt as Link approached the Moblins’ table. Link exhaled deeply and began to speak but was promptly cut off.

“FRAK!” The Moblins looked up smugly in satisfaction at his frustration but that could not save them from what came next.

Link’s hands burned with the fire imbued by his gloves and with the strength of a horse, he flipped the table into the air and slammed it down onto the Moblins. They squealed and flailed for their lives but it was far too late for that. The Inn went silent and rupees scattered across the floor.

Link ruffled his hair and dusted off his tunic. Ever so calmly, he turned and walked back toward the adventurers. The villagers in surrounding rows of tables stood up and erupted with joy and applause to celebrate their Hero.

Link’s deeds that day reverberated through the Inn and the community. Reminding all gamers of the one and Holy Law of Gaming.

Do you have any gaming Rage stories? I’d like to hear about it in the comments below!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s